Millenials Aren’t Lazy: They’re Fucked

This is a chapter from my new book, Life Begins At Incorporation, which I am releasing in light of TIME’s trolling ass cover story on lazy, entitled Millenials. I don’t live with my parents and will not “save us all.”

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"How come all we do is talk about money?" — Richie Rich

time

The Great Recession officially ended in 2009. How’s everybody doing? Did you need help uncorking the champagne?

Unless you are a one-percenter who followed an errant link on Twitter, you probably aren’t ordering Cristal for the table.

Our economy has been slowly gaining ground since we bottomed out in the 2008 job-pocalypse. That oughta be good for people, right? But, turns out 121 percent of income gains made in the recovery went to the top one percent of the country’s earners. I’m not sure how you can capture more than 100% of something. It sounds kind of greedy to me. An economist at Berkeley got to that number when figuring in the fact that incomes for most everyone else have dropped. Wages are down, household incomes are down, but don’t worry, these are the job creators were talking about. If you don’t have an employment scenario figured out just yet, wait a few minutes. I’m sure some rich guy needs someone to give his shoe-shine 121 percent of their effort.

Jobs, jobs, jobs! They’re everywhere. The problem with all this job-creation is the new jobs are all worse than our previous jobs, which, to be honest weren’t all that rad in the first place. Some jobs, they don’t even pay money, which is still a thing you need some of to live.

My mother spent the recession in multiple jobs, the most recent of which paid federal minimum wage. $7.25, baby! This is the reason why, when I hear well-paid pundits say that no one except high school kids work for minimum wage, I want to fly to their home, poop on their doorstep, and set it on fire.

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Andrew Sullivan made news last week announcing his Daily Dish blog would leave Daily Beast, exist on its own, and be supported entirely through reader subscriptions. He was rewarded with hundreds of thousands of dollars from eager readers signing up and looks to be well on his way to hit his goal of $900, 000 for the first year. With readers valuing his blog that highly, I have to wonder what his employer Tina Brown thinks as she shutters Newsweek and lays people off.

The internet is still a disruptive force, disrupting things left and right (with force!) and what if any “model” will emerge to support those of us who work in The Media is unknown and probably a pipe dream. But the ability and willingness for readers to support what they want to read is encouraging. My Kickstarter book is keeping me busy over 2013 and I’m trying to figure out how to drag this career out beyond that. One way is a subscriber list, which you can join for $18 a year and help keep the cartoons coming.

We’re running a modest operation here and the money really does make a difference. (I’m not quite in the $900,000 range right now.)

What do you get? All my cartoons early, before they are released here or anywhere else, along with commentary, sketches, and other extras. Some readers subscribe because they want the cartoons early and enjoy the extra material. Others view it as a way to support my work and account for reading them online all year. I can say it’s provided a much needed counter to lost clients and has allowed me to make 2013 the first year that I work full time on editorial cartoons.

And hey, you’ll also get my annual holiday card mailed to you every year, like this one I sent to friends in family in 2005. So sign up!