Free Syrian Army — Saw you dudes on the front page of The New York Times last week lining up a bunch of shirtless, whip-marked prisoners for execution. Nice! Bet they were shitheads. Seemed a liiiiiittle sketch though. Had me thinking: You’re not gonna, like, massacre everyone in Damascus once you take it over, right? You’re going to have elections when this is over? Set up some public schools, run for county treasurer?
Because I’m starting to think the leftover weapons we gave you won’t be melted down to build swing sets.
Al Qaeda & Friends — Hi! You’re banning croissants and shit. That’s just trolling.