Hey, I reviewed a terrible movie for Wired—with illustrations!

G.I. Joe: Retaliation, the action blockbuster currently in theaters, has about the same action-to-plot ratio as a small boy playing with G.I. Joes in his bedroom for hours on end. If you understand this — that the film aspires to be nothing more than a $135 million version of a kid playing with his toys — it’s pretty damn enjoyable. Need to know more?

Retaliation commence.